OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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