before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
