saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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