I am puke
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
