Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
