Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
