they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
