The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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