pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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