I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
