wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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