So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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