Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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