i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
