I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
