I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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