I just made out with a guy for $7.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I need to stop coming to work sober
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
