wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
