I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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