I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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