this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
