Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
