We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
whose parrot is this?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
