bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
