So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize