my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
