i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
