she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
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