Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
