Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
