I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
