I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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