i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All the doctor said was why
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
