you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
