Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
