I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
