Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
