Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
