i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
