Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
