first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
