I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
