last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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