Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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