Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
