its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
