The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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