Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I cut my penus on the lid.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
