Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
