I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
