I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
