What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
