Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
