I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
high people should be assigned attendants
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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