It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
