shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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