He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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