planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
