Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
