Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
