The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
