Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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