they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
