who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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