so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
