Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We need to feng shui this bitch.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
