I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize