She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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