So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
