I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
