If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
