does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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