She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
