That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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